Anthropologie Wants Me to Own This Purse

I know this is true because they sent me an email about this purse. That's how I know that they keep my best interests at the top of their list of Very Important Things.

 

It has 5 pockets! That's a lot of pockets!

Split Shade purse, Anthropologie, $388.00

 

 Dear Creators of "The New Girl", Full disclosure, I have never really liked that vegan-cotton-wearing-hipster songstress, Ms. Deschanel. Her eyes are too big. And her bangs are too perfect. Don't get me wrong, "Elf" is my favorite Christmas movie, and that singing in the shower scene is hilarious. And I liked "500 Days of Summer" but I really wanted cutie-pie Joseph Gordon-Levitt to dump that bitch on Day 3.

 (She's like an early version of Lana Del Rey (substitute  ZD's blue eyes for LDR's fake lips))

                                                                (See what I mean?)

 Anywhoozies, I had very low expectations for "The New Girl", but I felt compelled to watch it. I think I still had some wine left in my glass  was too cozy and comfortable to get up and do the dishes, or something like that.

And here is my confession: I love "The New Girl". I love Zooey Deschanel and the fact that she wears tights with shorts and I like her really low voice (but I stand firm in my belief that all not of that hair on her head is hers. Girls gotta have some mad extensions). You had me at the very first episode! You did. And I don't know how you did it!??!?!?  Is it HER? Or is it  the guys on the show that make it worth watching?  Is it  a combination of all of them?  The writing is fantastic. I want to move into their loft and drink hand-crafted hipster beers and talk about what it is like to be in my late 20s, with my late 20s problems like stupid boyfriends and mean girls and knit toys for my kittens.

And you have featured some of the best cameo guests?!?!? Jason Stackhouse and his dead girlfriend Amy have done left Bon Temps, Louisiana to go hang out with Jess! And Drew Barrymore's ex-boyfriend from the Dell commercials! And Dodger from China Beach! And Dermot Mulroney!

So, any way. I am writing you to see if Boyfriend, Spanky and Yours Truly can be written into in one fun little episode, We don't need much. Maybe 2 lines. We can be neighbors next door, and have our own loft. Or we can be parents to a student in Miss Day's classroom, or...maybe not, we would screw up being fake parents....But we could be patrons in Nick's Bar! We are good at drinking in BARS!

Please let me know if we can make it on the show sometime soon and we will book our vacays and head out that way.

And I ain't real mad at y'all for switching Coach to Winston after "The New Girl" pilot. I was at first, but I'm cool.

Thanks for making me laugh until my mascara runs down my face. Thanks for making Boyfriend laugh at me laughing at the TV. I have fallen off the couch, btw.

 Thank you for your consideration!
 G

 PS: Did you know that the show was only 30 minutes long? I thought it was an hour! Can you make it an hour? Please? I just love her to pieces, I do!

So... You Don't Own a Pair of Zombie Shoes?

Well, that is just a cryin' shame. Because I have a pair of Zombie Shoes!

My Aunt P (who will now be referred to as the Crafting Countess for future posts) found these shoes and pinned them on my Pinterest page, which I almost never look at, because I already have about 5 too many addictions, and can't we just all agree that Pinterest is the crack-cocaine of The Interwebs?
I digress.
I posted the shoes on Facebook with an open plea to world for someone (but I really meant the Boyfriend) for Goddess' Sake, please buy me these shoes or I will not be able to live another day on this earth!
Apparently my sister-in-law K. was the only one listening that day, and she purchased these lovely shoes for me! She understands how very important it is for me to have these in my wardrobe.















                                        
                                  Aren't they just coolest things ever? Are you jealous yet?

 Look at the bottom? What about now? Are you jealous now? 

Guess What? These Iron Fist Zombie Platform Shoes are made from 100% Man-Made Materials. Yes, the Flesh-Eating Shoes are VEGAN.

That's what I was doing when I opened the box with the shoes!!!!
Yay Zombie Shoes!!!!!!!!

I seriously need a pedicure now. After the pedicure I will show you a picture of my feet in the very special Zombie shoes.

Getting my MacGuyver on with Smoked Salmon

This is embarrassing. We went to the beach a month ago and I am just now blogging about this meal.


But here's the story: Went to the Fort Walton Beach with some friends. Were welcomed into Fort Walton Beach by a parade! They threw a parade because they heard I was coming! How awesome is that! (Yes, I know it was actually a Mardi Gras parade, but I'm gonna pretend it was for me, 'kay?)

Anywhoozies, the Boyfriend and Mr Cakes* were hungry! So we went in search of food, but the parade had traffic at a complete standstill, so I took control of the situation and made a pretty good,  last minute lunch. I'm excellent at improvising meals.

                                    Float from My Parade! ( Helen Back has good pizza!)




Here are the players:
Smoked Salmon
Rotini pasta
1 lemon
1/2 stick of butter
1/2 cup milk.
Grated Parmesan cheese
2 T capers
2 cloves of garlic
1 Strawberry Margarita, made with real strawberries and agave syrup (no mix for us!)

Step one: make Margarita. Drink it. Then you can start everything else:

• Boil pasta in heavily salted water.
• In separate saucepan, melt butter and milk over low heat. Add two whole cloves of garlic in milk.
• Drain pasta, toss with milk and butter still set on simmer and add grated cheese and capers. Remove garlic cloves.
• Flake the smoked salmon into the pasta. Squeeze lemon over the pasta
• Eat it.

 

Salmon from Washington State from some dear friends who understand the Boyfriend's intense love of all things Salmon. I'm gonna change my name to Salmon so he'll love me more.

See, doesn't that look delicious! It was! I'm gonna make it again soon.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Um... Sofia Coppola? Are You Okay?

....Because you are wearing pajamas and it's daytime. Like, you look like you are going to pop into Target for some dish soap or maybe even grab some brunch with the girls except you have on Pajamas. What, they're Louis Vuitton? Yeah...they're still Pajamas...

 

Oh, wait, your friend Rachel Roy is wearing them, too! At a Movie Premiere? Are you sure she's not in high school and this is Opposite Day? No? It's really a Movie Premiere? Oh, okay.

You know I heard a rumor that Alexa Chung was designing some for Madewell, J Crew's sister retailer, but she's fashion-crazier than a shit-house rat, and I'm kinda okay with that, considering this model looks like she actually is in high school and it actually is Opposite Day......


And since J Crew is for Grown Ups, like The First Lady Michelle Obama, they would never ever advocate wearing silky lounge clothes out in a public forum! I mean, they're too busy helping Mrs. Obama get ready for campaign season to fiddle with something so incredibly stupid like daytime PJ's, right?

NOOOOO!!!!!!

I Need a New Dress Like I Need a Hole in My Head

But I need this dress! I do. I just cannot live without it.
I know, right?!?!?!

You can Pre-Order it from Nordstrom, which means that they think it is gong to sell out really quickly, so hurry up and order it already, correct?
And it is Diane Von Furstenberg, and she and I don't usually get along so well beause I really want to wear her wrap dresses and i just cannot. I feel like I need 87 safety pins and a foot of double sided tape to make them work. But this dress....!

Doesn't this make you want to lounge at a beach party sipping Champagne and eating shrimp cocktail? Or enjoy at a Spring garden party eating cucumber sandwiches and lemonade? Or wear to an important fund-raising event in May that requires you to look  fabulous for your Huzzbin because the important event is also the same day as his birthday and you want help him impress his colleagues by being his super-hot wife in the awesome dress?*
I have Spring fever and looking at micro-mini dresses is not making it any better.

*This is a shameless attempt at begging for this dress and I feel a little terrible using Boyfriend's birthday as an excuse to buy ME and New Dress. I am horrible.

Singing AND Dancing on TV, And It's NOT Glee?

Sorry for the long wait between posts!  I have been so very busy! I am very popular, you know. People demand my attention.

Okay, I have to tell you a secret. It is important. But first you have to trust me, and forget about your high-brow TV preferences. There is no Downton Abbey or a group of survivors fighting their way out of the Zombie Apocalypse (Full disclosure, I have never watched a single episode of Downton Abbey, but I do know everything about The Walking Dead). In fact, it's a TV show about a play.
 You have to pretend that Broadway musicals are not just for old ladies and boys in high school show choir, and that,  you too, in fact,  know all of the words to "Defying Gravity".
And then you have to accept the fact that everyone in NYC has a bad-ass apartment that they pay for by back-up dancing in a workshop for a play based on Marilyn Monroe. How over-done is that subject matter, right?*
And finally, you have to pretend that you have no recollection of Katharine McPhee as an American Idol finalist, and if you do remember her, then you have to admit that she is a much better singer then the dude who won that year.

And then you must turn on your TV on Mondays on NBC and You. Must. Watch. Smash.

It is the best TV show in the history of Television ever, ever, ever times infinity. I love it. Just love it. But I have to watch it in hiding! When the commercials for it came on this winter, Boyfriend took one look at me hugging the TV, eyes glazed over and he said, "You know what, I'm gonna let that be your show that you watch on your own time, M'kay?"  What? I have no idea why he would not want to make Smash part of our weekly watch-together-date-night line-up. It's full of everything we like: Intrigue, mystery, shock, kicking, jazz hands, drama, etc...

So I made a deal with myself, and on weekends I watch Smash followed by E!'s Fashion Police while doing laundry and ironing. And I imagine that it is not too late for me to sign up for dancing classes and take my 34 year old ass up to Broadway and try to make it as a star! I think I can! It's possible! It is!

* What is NOT over-done is a musical about ZOMBIE Marilyn Monroe. How AWESOME would that be?

All opinions are my own, and I am not being reimbursed or sponsored in anyway by NBC, Smash or Katharine McPhee, with whom I would love to take a Jazzercise class!